Fluid Eating's Review of Dirty Martini (closed)
Best for: happy hour martinis; picking up women; getting creative; concocting your own cocktail.
Great: cocktail selection; location slap-bang in the middle of Covent Garden.
Thankfully, Dirty Martini is not actually in need of a good scrub and clean. It’s not dirty. But it is smelly.
Remember when the indoor smoking ban came into effect? And your local suddenly stank of beer, cider and farts? Most pubs and clubs have finally sorted out their ventilation, brought out some industrial Febreeze, and got rid of the musty hangover. But not the Dirty Martini. The stale smell of boozy breath, farts and possibly vomit hits you as you walk into this teeny tiny bar.
Not a good start for the senses. Eyes: cramped small bar. Nose: stinky. Ears? “Awful loud music,” my friend shouted. “It’s just generic rubbish, trying to be trendy.” Oh dear, not the best first impression.
Saying a bar is cramped and small doesn’t paint the most vivid picture, so what else of Dirty Martini’s decor? It’s not unpleasant, but like the music, it’s rather generic and try-hard. Exposed brickwork and a huge f*** off chandelier, like a thousand other bars (Revolution, for one): check. The purple lights, dark purple wallpaper and leather seats scream ‘perfect for a hen’s party’. It’s all fine, it’s just nothing special or unique. The four attractive chaps behind the bar are probably the reason why nearly all the customers are ladies. The lily display behind the bar is probably meant to add a further feminine floral touch, but unfortunately it seemed like a morbid funeral arrangement.
The name of the bar is, of course, referring to a specific drink, rather than its personal hygiene. And so onto arguably the most important sense: taste. The menu is fun and extensive. ‘Dirty by design’ (£8) means you can concoct your own. Choose your style – straight up, on the rocks or long – then add a spirit, up to three flavours like lemon or apple, and then a mixer on top.
In the interests of fair journalism, we chose al a carte so we could judge the Dirty Martini recipes and attractive-barmen-making-skills, rather than our own crazy creations.
Summer Berry Fizz and Pear & Vanilla Rickey were first up, brought by our friendly Spanish waitress. Service is rather slow here, but the end result is impressive: there’s attention to detail and cocktails are pretty. So, a sensory score for the eyes when looking at the cocktails: 9 out of 10. When viewing the rest of the bar? Hmm, 6.
Anyway, I’m supposed to be discussing taste. The fizz was all honey notes, raspberry tang and Prosecco bubbles, a yummy drink. Hooray! Although my friend tried it and shouted that she thought it tasted like ‘tomato’. Or maybe I misheard her.
Anyway, she downed her pear and vanilla cocktail, declaring that it tasted of pear drops and that she loved it. Cherry blossom martinis and chocolate martinis followed – good, strong martinis, which, if you buy during happy hour (5 to 9pm and then from 10.30 to 11.30pm), are an absolute bargain.
If you’re craving some well-made cocktails and are in Covent Garden and on a strict budget, then despite the whiff, this is a good bet. Reserving a table is a good idea, given how small the bar is, however beware the strict ‘tables will be kept for 15 mins after the booking time: customers will be charged £50 flat rate cancellation with less than 48 hours notice or no show’ policy.
Anyway, our senses were relieved to be out in the fresh air after an hour or so, our noses and growling tummies taking us to the nearby Fire and Stone.
Reviewed by Ruth Emery.
DESCRIPTION: Dirty Martini is one of Covent Garden’s premier cocktail bar & one of London’s top destinations for a stylish & sophisticated night out in the West End. Their stunning new late night cocktail bar has a luxurious atmosphere with a distinct ‘New York’ feel & offers a stunning range of exquisite cocktails as well as a fantastic range of Champagnes, wines, beers & spirits.
Dirty Martini oozes a relaxed and sensuous atmosphere, with burgundy coloured low leather seating and seductive lighting. Opened in November 2006, two fantasic happy hours - one from 5 - 9pm and one from 10.30pm - 11.30pm. Great bar food, Cocktails a must. (Updated 05/03/2011)
Dirty Martini (closed) Special Offers
Dirty Martini boasts 5 hours of Happy Hour drinking, visit from 5 - 9pm for HALF PRICE bottles of wine, £3.95 martinis, HALF PRICE glasses of champagne and £10 off bottles of champagne. Stay until 10.30pm for the next happy hour where all bottles of wine are back to HALF PRICE and all platters are HALF PRICE.
“rude & abusive bouncer ruined the evening.
I was there with some friends last night, great cocktails & lovely venue. shame about the rude & abusive security tho with no respect of others, one of the security guards, he kept pushing people around and threatening to kick customer out. would not have stayed & spend money if it wasn't my friends bday party. don't think I will ever go back.”
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— Mrs Artisan, london
(01 Aug 2011)
“This place has a definite post-work feel, whilst keeping it's loud (too loud to chat properly without abusing your vocal cords) New York city vibe. The barman gave his full attention to making our skinny cocktails and yes they tasted good but in my opinion lacked certain calories to make them cocktaily. I especially liked the look of the (not skinny) chocolate martini.”
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— KP, London
(16 Jun 2011)
“Avoid at all costs-I had a lovely meal in the main part upstairs at Tuttons. But then went to start my hen night thinking it was a classy cool cocktail bar but oh my good god. We arrived having reserved a booth, to which each person had to spend a minimum amount on drinks etc, this would have been fine-if we had been served! The booth only fit 6 people and there were 12 of us so half were left standing-and you cant dance as there is no dance floor?? I have no idea why they play the music so loud if you can't dance? Ok so we thought lets try out a drink-40 mins later and the people who had arrived after us had been served b4 us-we waited and waited and they said they had lost the order, fantastic! So not only were we sat in a place smelling, there was no air con so we were roasting, and we couldnt have a dance or a drink-very disappointing so we left and moved on to Roadhouse down the road-which was far far better made up for it all!”
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— rd parkes, London
(12 Jul 2010)
“First impressions are lasting impressions, the bouncer (if you can call him that, the guy was very small as bouncers go) needs to be educated. I needed to call someone to get me, then he quizzed my friend who came to get me in. He then insisted on searching me. It gets even worse, he even searched girls’ handbags.
My next encouter was the cocky barman. My friend insisted on buying me a drink. I asked for a glenfiddich, the bar man fetched a 12yr bottle and a 15 yr bottle, he told me the 15yr was better, I replied “the 12 yr was fine” he then tried to ridicule us for buying only one shot and choosing the 12 yr, one of his replies was “its just that the 15yr is better if you can afford it!” I asked him if he was on commision or was the owner, to which he replied “No”, I felt obliged to show the wad of notes in my wallet.
Top marks for the cloakroom attendant.”
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— Martini, DAIOOADN
(14 Dec 2008)
“I would like to thank the staff at Dirty Martini for looking after me and my friends, we were celebrating my birthday. No complaints from any of us, will definitely be going again. Cocktail menu is amazing. Was slightly disappointed the DJ would not take any requests, but that was a small thing, on the whole a very nice experience!”
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— V Mistry, London
(09 Oct 2008)
“Have to say this has got to be one of my favourite bars in London.
The atmosphere is excellent whether you come nearer the weekend when it is packed or the quieter times during the week. Service is always excellent and the cocktails are superb. Some of the best cocktails I have ever tasted. Don't believe me? Try their chocolate and breakfast martinis. Great happy hours give excellent value for money.
Service always good with friendly bar staff, excellent table service and human bouncers. Would highly advocate a trip to Dirty Martini and would not hesitate to bring friends / dates / clients here. Superb.”
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— James, London
(24 Sep 2008)
“I went here for my birthday last week. I booked a booth in advance and that definitely made a difference as the bar was packed. Having said that, there was a great crowd in there and the table service was excellent. There were a couple of stroppy bar staff but they were avoided and didn't ruin the mood of the night. And of course, the bar lives up to it's name - great cocktails of all varieties but the apple martini is a must.”
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— Claire, London
(21 Mar 2007)
“Absolutely cracking bar. The longest happy hour in the world (probably) lasting 6-9 giving plenty of opportunity to drink each of the martinis for only £3.95 although would happily pay full price such is the quality of the drinks. Each drink is made with care, with the staff genuinely taking pride in their work not just trying to look good. Only downside is the size, makes a nice intimate environment but seats are almost all taken by 6pm at the weekend. Definitely reserve some space if thinking about taking a larger group. Lychee martini is awesome!”
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— Mark Gill, Aylesbury
(12 Feb 2007)
“Probably the best cocktail bar i have been to in a long time. The importance of time and care taken for each cocktail is paramount. The food and service at Dirty Martini are all top notch with staff that know what they're talking about and managers that really know how to run a bar. The staff are happy with what they do and really take pride in presenting a fantastic drink, pleasing both the eye and the pallate. A big 3 thumbs up!”
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— Stu C, Melbourne
(30 Nov 2006)
“retoxbar is a lot smaller than I would have imagined but had a great buzz about it. It was so nice to be able to see the whole bar and not get lost from your friends. I had heard great things about the cocktails here and was not disappointed. The food was excellent too, we all enjoyed the sausages on the meat platter especially. The only real downside to the bar is the staff, they seem to spend too long talking to people behind the "door" and not enough looking after the customers. We had to wait a long time for our drinks despite it not being that busy. All in all we will be back though, a great venue for cocktails and to be able to get a seat! Anna x”
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— Anna Price, London
(21 Jun 2006)
“retoxbar proves size doesn't matter. It may be small but the drinks, staff, food are all perfect. A great place for an intimate gathering. Would have prefered a bit more pop in the music though!”
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— Stacey, London
(22 May 2006)
“So many cocktails, so little time. This bar is packed on a Friday night so, for the first time, I would suggest booking about 4 weeks in advance, getting there at 5pm or trying to get a table earlier on in the week. They have so many new cocktails here, so many spirits I have never heard of, great food, great service and good music. If I could work with the hangovers I get from here, I would spend every night at retoxbar. ”
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— Tom Wright, London
(08 Feb 2006)
“Great place to hold a corporate private party, from the moment I rang to enquire I was given my own personal "party planner" who invited me down for a taster session and a tour. Perfect venue for a large group, staff were fully clued up and words had been had about who was the most important person to be looked after (me!). There was not a hitch during the whole evening so in the end I was able to let my hair down fully and enjoy a good few cocktails. I am so glad I chose this venue, made my clients very happy. Big thank you to the whole retoxbar team, especially Lydia.”
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— Mike, London
(12 Jan 2006)
“An excellent after work drink location. I took my staff here for Christmas drinks and the place was buzzing. Really cool decor, good staff who knew what they were talking about and even better drinks. As it was a celebration we had cocktails - all made with fresh fruit, no preserves or juices here - that were lush. Champagne is very reasonable here too for a Covent Garden bar so we had some of that before trying the deadly retox programmes. All in all I had a perfect night, and have already been back - this time to treat the missus! A real find in Covent Garden.”
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— Andrew, Ascot
(28 Dec 2005)
“Excellent venue. Loved all the cocktails, especially the cocktail of the month - perfectly named Pimp my Cherry. Am a member so everything's cheaper. Great feel to this place. Good looking bar men and DJs too!”
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— Laura Haywood, London
(06 Oct 2005)
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